What entices you most?

This morning I had to go to the bank to make a deposit. Before I went inside, I was sitting in my van making a few phone calls about arranging some details for worksites for The Hartford Project, a local summer missions outreach to the city of Hartford. As I was jotting down some notes from the phone conversation I had just had, a brown van speeds up toward me and jerks to a halt parking awkwardly near me. (The van was like one of those used for small company deliveries – however, it had no markings or company logo, and had no windows on the sides or rear.)



Before he stopped so abruptly, I thought the guy was going to plow into my driver side door, but he did parked awkwardly facing me with his driver side front corner bumper just feet from my van door where I was seated, behind the wheel of my van.






As you might be, I was a bit taken off-guard especially when the other guy slammed his van into “park”, proceeding to roll down his window and motions for me to hurriedly do the same. I hesitantly pressed the button to lower my window, and the driver starts with this story-



Driver: “Hey man, do you live around here or are you familiar with this area?”

Me: “Yeah, a little bit. Why?”

Driver: “Do you know anyone who wants a stereo surround sound digital audio system for a home theater for really cheap!!??” My buddy and I got two for the price of one and we’re trying to sell this other new system we have in the back of the van… We just sold the first one over at [names a local restaurant]. We have to be at another appointment in about… [Glances quickly at his watch] in 38 minutes so we gotta get outta here quick. We just saw you sitting here, and thought since you’d have the room in your van to haul it, we thought we’d ask you if you wanted it. If you want to look at it go ahead - it’s in the back [motions to the rear of his van] and brand new in the box already to set up. Do you want it?! Brand new it’s worth 4300 bucks, but we got it free and if you want to buy it right now we’ll give you a deal.

Me: [extremely skeptical and cautious… yet attempting not to out-right accuse him of burglary] … “I donno, I don’t know if I want it… I don’t think I know anyone else who’d want it right now either. How much are you talking?”

Driver: Awww… A few hundred bucks. How’s that sound?

Me: No thanks. See ya later.

Driver: Speeds off.






During the “pitch” he gave me, the driver pulled out an envelope of twenty dollar bills. Then he actually began to joke about how much the restaurant owner paid for the first system and spreads out the stack of twenties that he claimed he got from the sale of the first system. Supposedly the cash he pulled out amounted to $1800.00 in Twenties. He assured me I wouldn't have to pay even that much.  The driver continued to brag about the sale he’d just made but assured me that all I needed to pay for the second brand new system was 300.00!
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Maybe if I hadn’t been scammed before… or maybe if I felt like I could somehow justify spending 300.00, or if I had the room for a “movie-theater-quality surround sound audio system” I might have bought it. But as soon as those two guys sped away looking for their next sale (or victim) I was relieved I would never see them again.

Have you ever been faced with a “deal you couldn’t refuse?” … Or a deal you THOUGHT you couldn’t refuse?

WHY was the deal you saw, heard about or read about so good you couldn’t pass it up? Whether it was a SilverBullet Food Processor or a “steal” on Ebay - What did it pique inside of you that you just couldn’t walk away? Why did it entice you?






What is it that entices you most?  What steals your attention?


I am a bit ashamed to admit it, but I am enticed by stupid things too...


This passage in Deut. Chapter 8 reminded me of what should I should be enraptured by… What I should be most compelled by?… What should consume all my attention?

Remember how the Lord your God led you all the way in the wilderness these forty years, to humble and test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord. Your clothes did not wear out and your feet did not swell during these forty years. Know then in your heart that as a man disciplines his son, so the Lord your God disciplines you.


Observe the commands of the Lord your God, walking in obedience to him and revering him. For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land—a land with brooks, streams, and deep springs gushing out into the valleys and hills; a land with wheat and barley, vines and fig trees, pomegranates, olive oil and honey; a land where bread will not be scarce and you will lack nothing; a land where the rocks are iron and you can dig copper out of the hills.


When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God, failing to observe his commands, his laws and his decrees that I am giving you this day. -- Deut. 8:2-11


Lord, please help us... help ME.. be careful NOT to forget You - ever.  To put our life’s attention on You and to observe your commands - because of the incredible work that You have done in the transformational work of Jesus Christ! Please, God help us show others how incredible a life with Jesus really is... that even though that this world will never be perfect... what's most enticing... is REAL Life with Jesus.  -I ask this In Your Name, Amen.

Battle-tude

Deut 4:29-35

But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul. When you are in distress and all these things have happened to you, then in later days you will return to the LORD your God and obey him.  For the LORD your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you or forget the covenant with your forefathers, which he confirmed to them by oath.


Ask now about the former days, long before your time, from the day God created man on the earth; ask from one end of the heavens to the other. Has anything so great as this ever happened, or has anything like it ever been heard of? Has any other people heard the voice of God speaking out of fire, as you have, and lived? Has any god ever tried to take for himself one nation out of another nation, by testings, by miraculous signs and wonders, by war, by a mighty hand and an outstretched arm, or by great and awesome deeds, like all the things the LORD your God did for you in Egypt before your very eyes?  You were shown these things so that you might know that the LORD is God; besides him there is no other.

/// I am claiming this powerful message today! My ongoing natural inclination is self-dependence in the battles I face - (while attempting to disregard my selfishness.) My prayer today is for a greater surrender of my life regardless of the terrain of the battlefield or the magnitude of the opponent.- Run hard after the Victor! 

A letter from Ashebir

Ashebir is now 4 ½ years old - Most days we feel like we’re making progress, some days we don’t.  It'll be a year next week (2/23) that he's been home with us and even though he understands MOST of what you ask of him, there are still things he doesn't quite get yet.  That said, he's been through a lot in his young life and even though his whole self is weaving intricately and intimately into our lives - his confusions, fears and inhibitions still surface.  They manifest in hits, bullying, shrieks, random flying objects, screams,  etc.   The truth is that inappropriate behavior... is inappropriate behavior... but it's not easy some days to balance patience, grace responsibility and genuine love.  I (Amy and I) NEVER want to discipline out of frustration or just give in to an important “battle” that I (We) shouldn’t because it feels easier in the moment… but to be honest, he’s exhausting sometimes.  Further more, this doesn’t feel as valiant as some make it out to be sometimes.

We have to choose to love him… to pursue him.  To chase after his heart and to embrace ALL of him… his entire mess.  He didn’t cause it but he’s responding to it… I often wish it would manifest as a practical, and thoughtful discussion.. and just maybe it would go something like this: 

“Dad, do you have a minute?” … Sure Ash, what is it? 

Well Dad, I just feel like life is out of control for me… I’m scared, I’m anxious, I’m frustrated, I don’t always understand what you and Mommy expect of me or how to explain what I want sometimes.  I feel like there’ s this big hole inside and it hurts… I notice the pain some days more than others, but it still makes me feel bad.  I think I’m still afraid that my family will disappear some day when I least expect it… or that I’ll have to move somewhere else for some reason.  I don’t know how to explain it really… I know you and Mom love me, but some days I’m not sure I FEEL the same way about our family that Kenni Sasha and TK do.    

I’m angry.  I’m angry because I don’t really understand why I’ve lived in so many homes with different people who tell me what to do.  Who do I trust?! 

I feel like I just started to get to know the kids in the other house before I came to live here with our family.  I was just beginning to understand the talk around me when I lived with all the other kids - but even that was different than where I lived before that… and now there are even more new things – I’m just beginning to get the hang of this.

Small things that are out of place bother me.  I like things to be in their place, but I don’t like anyone else to tell me to tell me where to put the things I have.   

I don’t like animals that I can’t step on, or that aren’t behind thick glass.  Maybe it’s because an animal scared me before, I don’t really remember.   

I hate sharing too.  Ok, so I’m getting better at it, but… I don’t want to give up something I have control of.  It’s getting a little easier for me, but I don’t like it when I have to leave home to go somewhere else and when I’m somewhere else, I don’t like to leave there either.

I’m jealous of TK sometimes too… especially when he comes up with some random game to play – When I am finally convinced to play, I don’t want him to play… HIS own game! (Yeah, I don’t get it either.)  Or.. when he picks up a toy I haven’t played with for a while and he starts playing with it - I want it and it makes me mad when I can’t have it.  I think I’m beginning to understand that I can play with it later but I still have a hard time with it. 

Sometimes I feel left out.  

Sometimes I just get so mad that I scream as loud as I can and try to kick, bite and even spit.  But those times… even though I don’t mean to hurt you or Mommy or my teachers -I’ve just reached a point that I don’t know what else to do.  Maybe it’s that I don’t understand that you and Mommy are trying to help me the best way you know how… and I just don’t get it yet. 

I love my Teachers and my classmates a lot, but seriously…  sometimes I don’t really care what number comes after 6… 7… or 8!  It doesn’t matter to me if “the car” is “blue or red,” or if “the chair” is “green or brown,” or if the picture is of a “bird” or a “tiger.” 

And speaking of school days! - When I come home from school, I think the difference in routine disrupts me.   Don’t get me wrong, I love my school, we have so much fun there and my teacher there has helped me maybe even more than she knows … but It’s still hard changing from being at school to returning home where I don’t have the same structured environment.  So when I get home, sometimes all I want to do is beat up TK, eat bread and butter or watch Remember the Titans. 

The other night when I was screaming and yelling because I wanted all six saltines left in the cracker sleeve, and you said I could only have two at a time – I just get really frustrated with things like that… When I can’t explain exactly what I want or when I don’t understand why I can’t have what I want.

But Daddy... I want to trust you, I just need your help to do that.

I know you love me Daddy… Is it hard to love me sometimes?

I want to be loved by you so desperately Daddy…  I want Mommy to love me too!  I just don’t know how to always act lovingly.  But… I like to pray with you and TK at night and thank God for our Family.  I love my warm bed and my special blanket from Great Gramma Zipf.  I wouldn’t know what to do without it. 

I like trucks and reading books.  I like building things with legos, I like coloring, scissors and glue and I like to show you and Mommy what I make at school or how tall I can build the Lego tower.  I like sitting in your lap when we read books.  I love Mommy a lot.  She takes care of me and let’s me make big messes that I don’t have to clean up right away.  She makes great food and she makes sure that I’m safe and gives me lots of kisses… I just pull away after a few of them because I don’t like to sit still very long unless I’m watching a movie I like.

Daddy, Thank you for not giving up on me.  Thank you for bringing me home.  Please be patient with me… it’ll be worth it.  I love you and Mommy very much.

Ashebir 

Highlights from Amy, Sasha and their team in Haiti

Friday morning Jan 15:  

To put it in perspective, the 11 member team left Thurs morning in two waves from JFK and all arrived in Haiti about 1500 Thursday afternoon.

Amy writes:  

 “The internet is sporadic at best but we're having a great time.  Sasha loves it here!  It’s so much like Ethiopia it took my breath away at the airport. 

We did a Med clinic yesterday [Thur. 1/14].   

We helped diagnose high blood pressure, malaria, congestive heart failure, diabetes, viral infections, etc.  We went to the orphanage on Thursday as well and held a beautiful little baby boy. Breaks your heart.  We took pictures of the kids eating their porridge for dinner.   I was crying so hard I could barely take pictures.  So hard to believe we are so very close to home and the need is so great.  Off to work at the clinic again this morning.  We have tons of pictures, will try to send some soon."      

TK and his trust in God

Tariku: "Dad, it's raining outside!!"

Me:"I know."

TK:"Why?!"

me: "God thought it was a good time to send rain."

TK: Why?!"

me: "What happens to the grass and flowers when God makes it rain?"

TK: "Wet!"

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I wonder if God has some kind of exasperated feeling when we question things that should be rather obvious to us?

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thank you veterans

"paulsteinbrueck: Thank You Veterans for Living Intentionally! http://bit.ly/coG7cF"
--http://twitter.com/paulsteinbrueck/status/2724556858986496

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daddy breakfast

On a breakfast date with the girls after dropping off the boys at school.

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